"Louise Revisited"
by
Miriam Kazdin
and
Aaron Sorkin
Directed by
Marc Buckland
REVISED UPDATED FINAL DRAFT 9/27/99
SPORTS NIGHT
"Louise Revisited"
#N326
Cast
Dan........................Josh Charles
Casey.....................Peter Krause
Isaac..............Robert Guillaume
Dana................Felicity Huffman
Jeremy....................Josh Malina
Natalie.................Sabrina Lloyd
Kim.........................Kayla Blake
Elliot........................Greg Baker
Chris.........Timothy Davis-Reed
Will..........................Ron Ostrow
Dave.....................Jeff Mooring
Sam................William H. Macy
SPORTS NIGHT
(TEASER)
FROM THE DARKNESS WE HEAR:
(Natalie (VO))
NATALIE (VO)
"Dear Louise, We're on a five-forty
right now, which is a combination of
pre-recorded segments and commercial
breaks adding up to five minutes and
forty seconds.
FADE IN:
EXT. CITY SKYLINE - NIGHT - (NIGHT 1)
(Natalie (VO))
NATALIE (VO) (CONT'D)
"Which is all to say that given the
time allowed in this short break, I
won't be able to adequately explain
why Dana isn't wearing any underwear
right now. You read that right,
Louise. All I can tell you is it had
something to do with a guy named Cab
Calloway who's not the band leader.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STUDIO/CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT - (NIGHT 1)
(Dan, Casey, Dana, Jeremy, Natalie, Kim, Elliot, Chris, Will,
Dave, Atmosphere)
THE CAMERA TAKES US ON A TOUR OF THE CONTROL ROOM AND
STUDIO. WE CAN HEAR, IN MUTED VOLUME, CASEY AND DAN ON THE
AIR, CONTROL ROOM CHATTER, ETC.
NATALIE (VO) (CONT'D)
"Nor do I have the computer expertise
that your brother has to explain the
extremely surprising outcome of this
week's Sports Night-dot-com internet
poll. For that matter, I can't
explain Dana's dating system for Casey
or why Isaac won't fire the new
ratings consultant either. The truth
is I'm writing this letter mostly
'cause it drives Jeremy crazy. I just
told him that I wrote something really
personal about you and he's buying it,
so this'll be good for a couple of
hours of fun after the show.
DAN
...third in a row for the Philadelphia
Flyers, who gave the Mighty Ducks
plenty to cry about with--count 'em--
179 penalty minutes.
CASEY
Those of you wondering how a hockey
team can rack up 179 penalty minutes
in a 60 minute game, your curiosity is
both well-founded and commendable. FOr
the answer, feel free to write to me
or Dan at www-dot-SportsNight-dot-com,
and we will satisfy your quest for
knowledge. In the meantime, for more
on the Flyers and the Ducks, we take
you to Jack Jankowicz in Anaheim.
Forgive me: Connie Morton in Anaheim.
Connie?
DAVE
We're out.
CHRIS
Five-forty back.
DANA
Dan/Casey, that's five minutes and
forty seconds. Not five minutes and
fifty seconds, not five minutes and
forty-one seconds, but rather--
CASEY
--five minutes and forty seconds.
DANA
Yeah.
CASEY
Cracked your code.
DAN
Can I tell you what bugs me?
CASEY
It's not that I won, it's that I won't
admit I wanted to win?
DAN
That's right.
CASEY
I really can't take it anymore.
DAN
Oh, please, I've seen you be much more
annoying than I'm being right now.
CASEY
I'm not talking about you, I'm talking
about her.
DAN
Dana?
CASEY
Yes. I can't take it.
DAN
What happened?
CASEY
I can't tell you.
DAN
Okay.
CASEY
But suffice it to say, it has
something to do with underwear.
DAN
But you can't tell me what.
CASEY
No.
DAN
Does it have anything to do with you
being a conniving, scheming, stop at
nothing, claw your way to the top,
cheats at solitaire, you know, guy?
CASEY
What?
DAN
You know exactly what I'm--
CASEY
I've got a real thing here.
DAN
With the underwear?
CASEY
I honestly can't take it.
DAN
There are rules prohibiting cheating,
you know what they're called?
CASEY
They're called rules.
DAN
They're called rules.
CASEY
I'm gonna go in there.
DAN
Go in there.
CASEY
No, that'd be bad.
DAN
Whatever.
IN THE CONTROL ROOM--
JEREMY
(TO NATALIE) So you're really gonna do
it.
NATALIE
Yes.
JEREMY
You're gonna write a letter to my
sister.
NATALIE
Yes.
JEREMY
I have absolutely no problem with
that.
NATALIE
I'm glad, sweetie.
JEREMY
No problem, no way, no how.
NATALIE
Good.
JEREMY
Crossing that sacred territory into
family members.
NATALIE
I cross it with gusto.
JEREMY
Cross away. For I have no problem
with this, as you are my girlfriend
and that is my sister.
NATALIE
Then why are you talking like
Theodorick of York?
JEREMY
That's a perfectly fair question.
DANA
Jeremy?
JEREMY
Yes.
DANA
Move.
JEREMY
What?
DANA
Move. I need to talk to Natalie.
JEREMY
Why can't you talk to Natalie from
right--
DANA
I need to talk to her privately.
JEREMY
Ah. No problem. I'll just stand over
there for five minutes and forty
seconds and think about what my life
was like before I met any of you.
DANA
Okay.
NATALIE
Thanks honey.
JEREMY MOVES...
DANA
(WHISPERING TO NATALIE) Does Casey
know?
NATALIE
No.
DANA
You sure?
NATALIE
Yes.
DANA
He's been acting strange during the
show.
NATALIE
He doesn't know.
DANA
He's been acting like he knows.
NATALIE
He doesn't.
DANA
Okay.
NATALIE
Dana?
DANA
Yeah.
NATALIE
Casey knows.
DANA
Natalie--
NATALIE
I accidently told him.
DANA
I don't believe--
NATALIE
Accidently, accidently.
DANA
He's never gonna understand this. In a
million years, he's never gonna
understand this.
NATALIE
Maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe he won't
call you on it.
WILL
Three and a half minutes back.
CASEY COMES THROUGH THE CONTROL ROOM DOOR--
CASEY
Dana?
DANA
Yes.
CASEY
You and I are about to have an abrupt
conversation.
DANA
Dave?
DAVE
Three and a half minutes.
DANA
We can't have an abrupt converstion
right now, Casey, 'cause we're back in
three and a half minutes.
CASEY
Well I'm not back in three and a half
minutes unless I get some answers, so
let's go.
CASEY WALKS OUT THE BACK OF THE CONTROL ROOM...
DANA
Natalie, remind me to give you a
beating in the morning.
JEREMY
I'll do it.
DANA EXITS OUT THE BACK TO JOIN CASEY.
NATALIE HITS A FEW KEYS ON HER COMPUTER TO CLEAR THE
SCREEN. SHE LOOKS UP TO SEE JEREMY CASUALLY STARING AT HER.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT AND STARTS TYPING...
NATALIE
Jeremy.
JEREMY
Yes.
NATALIE
I just wrote something personal about
you.
JEREMY
(BEAT) I'm not buyin' it.
NATALIE
Okay.
NATALIE GOES BACK TO TYPING--
NATALIE (VO)
"...and this'll be good for a couple
of hours of fun after the show. Now,
as for our stories...
AND WE...
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF TEASER
ACT I
(A)
INT. AUDIO ROOM/CSC CORRIDOR/CONFERENCE
ROOM/NEWSROOM/CSC CORRIDOR/STUDIO/EDITING ROOM/STUDIO/SAM'S
OFFICE - EARLIER THAT DAY - 12 NOON - (DAY 1)
(Dan, Casey, Dana, Jeremy, Natalie, Kim, Elliot, Chris, Will,
Dave, Sam, Atmosphere)
JEREMY IS SITTING AT A CONSOLE AND READING A LETTER AS
NATALIE WALKS QUIETLY IN AN OPEN DOOR. NATALIE WATCHES HIM
FOR A MOMENT BEFORE...
NATALIE
Hello.
JEREMY
Aaagh!
NATALIE
Did I scare you?
JEREMY
No.
NATALIE
Why did you yell?
JEREMY
I meant to say "hi."
NATALIE
What happened?
JEREMY
I mis-spoke.
NATALIE
Why are you reading my mail?
JEREMY
Since when are you corresponding with
my sister?
NATALIE
Since when are you stealing my mail?
JEREMY
Only very recently.
KIM KNOCKS ON THE STUDIO SIDE DOOR.--
KIM
Noon rundown.
JEREMY
Thank you.
NATALIE
It bothers you that I write to Louise?
THEY WALK OUT THE BACK AND INTO--
INT. CSC CORRIDOR/NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
JEREMY
Not at all.
NATALIE
Then why are you reading my mail?
JEREMY
I'd like to talk about it right now,
but as you can see, there are people
around us who--
NATALIE
(SHOUTING) Jeremy's reading my mail!
JEREMY
Thank you.
THEY HEAD INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM AS WE
RESET TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
EVERYONE IS COMING IN AND GETTING SETTLED. SAM DONOVAN
IS
ALREADY THERE, SEATED AT ONE END WITH HIS FEET UP ON THE
TABLE AND VARIOUS PAPERWORK SPREAD OUT IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE'LL BE COMPLETELY ABSORBED IN HIS READING MATERIAL AND
WILL NOT BE A PART OF THE MEETING AT ALL.
CASEY
What's up, Jeremy?
JEREMY
Good numbers on Texas Tech.
CASEY
Thank you.
NATALIE
Plus he's been reading my mail.
JEREMY
Thank you.
DAN
Casey got another 150,000 votes
overnight in the internet poll.
CASEY
It's true.
DAN
150,000 votes. Am I the only one who
thinks this is strange?
KIM
I think you're the only one who cares.
DAN
It's a Rose Bowl-and-a-half full of
people.
NATALIE (VO)
"I suppose, Louise, the story of Dana
and her missing underwear began
earlier today at the noon rundown
meeting, when Dana told us that the
eight o'clock rundown meeting would in
face be held at seven-thirty."
DANA
Before I forget, we're gonna do the
eight o'clock rundown at seven-thirty.
ELLIOT
Seven-thirty?
DANA
Yes, I have a dinner engagement at
eight, and so we'll do the eight
o'clock rundown at seven-thirty.
ELLIOT
Should we call it the seven-thirty
rundown?
DANA
Elliot--
ELLIOT
On the paperwork.
DANA
On the paperwork you should call it
the eight o'clock rundown, all that's
happening is we're doing it at seven-
thirty.
JEREMY
Like the Saturday Evening Post.
DANA
Yes.
JEREMY
Which for a time came out on Sundays.
DANA
Thank you.
NATALIE
Jeremy's been stealing my mail.
JEREMY
Thank you.
DAN
Dana?
DANA
Dan?
DAN
What time do you suppose it's gonna be
at the ten o'clock rundown?
DANA
Ten o'clock on the dot. Any more
questions?
CASEY RAISES HIS HAND--
DANA (CONT'D)
Casey?
CASEY
Dinner engagement?
DANA
Something we can talk about later.
CASEY
Okey-doke.
DANA
Here we go.
NATALIE (VO)
"The meeting went along nicely. We
discussed the Packers, Patriots,
Chargers and Seahawks.
We discussed the Rangers, the Bruins
and whether Stefan LaFlourier was a
big enough draw for In Focus, and all
the while, Dana was getting more and
more agitated because Sam Donovan, the
consultant forced on her, the man
charged with the responsibility of
taking Sports Night from third place
to first place, seemed to be paying no
attention whatsoever."
JEREMY
...with 34 goals and 41 assists, I say
his time has come.
DANA
Excuse me, Jeremy. Sam?
SAM
Yes.
DANA
Is our meeting disturbing you?
SAM
I'm sorry?
DANA
I was wondering if our meeting was
disturbing you?
SAM
A little, I guess, but I've been
through worse.
DANA
It's interesting that you can make
that determination seeing as how
you've been paying no attention
whatsoever. How is it that you can do
that?
SAM
Well...I'm just that good, I suppose.
DANA
Look--
SAM GETS UP AND STARTS TO GATHER HIS THINGS...
SAM
Lead with the Packers, move the
Chargers and Seahawks to the tease,
get B-roll on the Patriots, we can do
better than LeFlourier for In Focus,
the eight o'clock rundown is at seven-
thirty and if Dan mentions the
internet poll one more time, I'm gonna
cram a mother board up his butt. Did I
catch the gist of the meeting?
DANA
(BEAT) Pretty much, yeah.
SAM
Anything else?
DANA
No.
SAM
Okay.
SAM EXITS...
DANA
Cut footage for the 40's to Natalie by
six.
NATALIE
Back in two hours.
THE MEETING BREAKS UP.
DAN
(TO CASEY) You think I could take him?
CASEY
No.
DAN
Really?
CASEY
Yeah.
DAN
I think I could take him.
CASEY
To lunch maybe. Dana?
CASEY FOLLOWS DANA OUT INTO--
INT. NEWSROOM/CSC CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
DANA
You see, you think he's not paying
attention, but he realy is.
CASEY
Yes.
DANA
That's how he gets ya.
CASEY
Yes.
DANA
The ol' switcheroo.
CASEY
A dinner engagement?
DANA
A guy from high school I haven't seen
in a long time.
CASEY
A high school flame?
DANA
Casey, I don't think people are saying
"flame" anymore.
CASEY
Boyfriend?
DANA
That's fine.
INT. STUDIO - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
CASEY
I'm saying was he your boyfriend?
DANA
He was a guy from my Spanish club.
CASEY
What's his name?
DANA
You're not gonna believe it.
CASEY
Try me.
DANA
Cab Calloway.
CASEY
The band leader?
DANA
No.
CASEY
A different one.
DANA
Yes.
CASEY
A different guy named Cab Calloway is
who you're going out with tonight.
DANA
Having dinner with.
CASEY
Cab Calloway.
INT. EDITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
DANA
Lemme tell you something, we had a
helluva time finding him a Spanish
name.
CASEY
I would imagine.
CASEY CONTINUES FOLLOWING DANA AROUND UNDER NATALIE'S VOICE
OVER...
NATALIE (VO)
"It'd been two weeks since Dana had
introduced her new dating plan for
Casey. A plan so fundamentally
wrongheaded and convoluted that it
could only have come from the mind of
Dana."
DANA
The plan was six months, Casey. It's
been two weeks and you haven't gone
out on a single date.
CASEY
I didn't realize that during the six
months you were gonna be dating other
people too.
INT. STUDIO - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
DANA
I'm not dating other people.
CASEY
What about Mr. Cotton Club?
DANA
Don't you wanna know what his Spanish
name was?
CASEY
No.
DANA
Guillermo.
CASEY
Thank you.
DANA
I've gotta go.
DANA LEAVES AND CASEY STANDS THERE IN FRONT OF AN OFICE
DOOR. HE LOOKS AROUND, PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS, SHAKES
HIS HEAD, STARTS OFF A FEW STEPS, COMES BACK, ALL UNDER THE
FOLLOWING VOICE OVER.
NATALIE (VO)
"And so Casey found himself, as Casey
so often does, confused. He wanted to
talk to Dan, but Dan was in editing.
He wanted to talk to Isaac, but Isaac
was in budget meetings. He wanted to
talk to me or to Jeremy, but Jeremy
and I were fighting about the letter
you sent me. With that in mind, he
found himself at an office door he
never thought he'd be knocking on."
CASEY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR--
SAM (OS)
Come in.
RESET TO:
INT. SAM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - (DAY 1)
CASEY OPENS THE DOOR AND WALKS IN
SAM IS SITTING AT HIS DESK, ABSORBED IN PAPERWORK.
CASEY
Hi.
SAM STAYS WITH HIS WORK...
CASEY (CONT'D)
Is this a bad time?
SAM
No.
CASEY
Okay if I siddown?
SAM
Um-hm.
CASEY
I'll sit over here. (BEAT) So,
listen... I know we don't know each
other that well and I guess you gotta
start somewhere and I though since
you seem to have some miles on you--
which isn't to say that you're old,
just that you seem to have a world-
weariness about you, or worldly-wise I
suppose would be the more apt
description...So here's the thing:
Dana Whitaker and I have known each
other ever since college 15 years ago.
And there's always been a certain
amount of, oh, heat, I guess. And it's
not just me saying this, others have
commented on it. Right after college,
though, I married Lisa, who was Dana's
best friend at the time, and Lisa and
I were married for 13 years, having
just gotten divorced 14 months ago.
Now, to further complicate matters,
Dana and I shared a kiss just two
weeks ago, and you'd think that that's
where we'd be off to a nice and fresh
start, but not so fast, because Dana's
decided that since I married young and
haven't experienced different women,
that I have to date other people for
six months before I can go out on a
date with her, which will in some way
help to insure that our relationship,
mine and Dana's, will start off on
sturdier footing. Is that not the
craziest thing you've ever heard?
SAM
(BEAT) I'm sorry?
CASEY
Look, I know you like to pretend
you're not listening when you really
are.
SAM
That time I really wasn't.
CASEY
Really?
SAM
Yeah.
CASEY
(BEAT) I opened up to you a little
bit.
SAM
If you say so. Like I said, I wasn't--
CASEY
Do you mind if I ask why not?
SAM
Why not what?
CASEY
Why you weren't listening?
SAM
It didn't sound lke anything you were
gonna say had anything to do with this
show, so I checked out pretty quick.
CASEY
I see.
SAM
Anything else?
CASEY
You know I write this show.
SAM
Yes.
CASEY
Dan and I. We write it.
SAM
Yes.
CASEY
And then we perform it.
SAM
Yes.
CASEY
We write it and we're the on-air
talent.
SAM
Yes.
CASEY
And I come in here to discuss a
personal problem.
SAM
Yeah.
CASEY
There's such a thing as team morale is
all I'm saying.
SAM
Casey?
CASEY
Yes.
SAM
Not that big on morale.
CASEY
I can see.
SAM
Anything else?
CASEY
No, I think I'll just see where this
particular day takes me.
SAM
Okay.
CASEY EXITS AS WE
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT II
(B)*
INT. DAN AND CASEY'S OFFICE/NEWSROOM/BACK STAGE BLUE STAIRS -
FLASHBACK - A WEEK AGO - 10 AM - (DAY 2)
(Dan, Casey, Jeremy, Natalie (VO), Atmosphere)
DAN IS AT HIS DESK, LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER
MONITOR...
NATALIE (VO)
"The internet poll started simply and
innocently enough a week ago today.
In an effort to make Sports Night more
friendly to teens and women, a new
king of polling question tok the
place of sports trivia on our web
site."
CASEY COMES IN TO DROP OFF HIS COAT.
DAN
Hey.
CASEY
Hey.
DAN
Good morning.
CASEY
Good morning.
DAN
You know what this week's internet
poll question is?
CASEY
"Who's cooler, Dan or Casey".
DAN
That's right.
CASEY
Can you believe it?
DAN
We're journalists.
CASEY
Whataya gonna do.
DAN
You know how many people have voted?
CASEY
No.
DAN
159.
CASEY
Really?
DAN
Yeah.
CASEY
That's more than you'd expect on the
first day.
DAN
You know who's winning?
CASEY
I'm assuming you are.
DAN
No.
CASEY
I am?
DAN
Yes.
CASEY
How 'bout that.
DAN
Yes.
CASEY
Let's talk about Notre Dame. My
feeling--
DAN
A hundred and fifty-three to six.
CASEY
I'm sorry?
DAN
You're winning a hundred and fifty-
three to six.
CASEY
(BEAT) Wow.
DAN
Yeah.
CASEY
That's quite a landslide so far.
DAN
Yes.
CASEY
You wouldn't think there'd be this
kind of grassroots groundswell this
early on, but I've always been able to
count on--
DAN
How are you rigging it?
CASEY
Danny--
DAN
Did you stay up all night voting for
yourself?
CASEY
Like I don't have better things to do
than beat your ass in an internet
poll.
DAN
Here's the thing about you: It isn't
that you want to win so bad, it's that
you won't admit you want to win.
CASEY
Danny, if you like, I'll withdraw my
name from the competition.
DAN
No, no, no.
CASEY
You sure?
DAN
I have plenty of fans.
CASEY
At least a half-dozen.
DAN
I'm gonna work now.
CASEY
As will I.
CASEY EXITS OUT INTO--
RESET TO:
INT. NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS - FLASHBACK DAY, A WEEK AGO - (DAY 2)
JEREMY
Hey Casey.
CASEY
Walk with me.
JEREMY
Walk with you?
CASEY
Walk with me.
JEREMY
Okay.
CASEY
Casually.
JEREMY
Casually?
CASEY
So it doesn't look like we're up to
something.
JEREMY
What are we up to?
CASEY
Nothing.
JEREMY
What kind of compromising situation
are you about to as me to--
THEY WALK TO--
INT. BACK STAGE BLUE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS - FLASHBACK - DAY, A
WEEK AGO - (DAY 2)
CASEY
Can you rig my computer so it does
nothing but vote?
JEREMY
On the internet?
CASEY
I was up all night voting. At first I
kept returning to the home page and
coming back, then I figured out I
could hold down the "return" key and
hit F-12 for refresh, but even that
was taking too long.
JEREMY
What kind of results are you looking
for?
CASEY
I want to bury him.
JEREMY
You know it's unethical.
CASEY
Yes.
JEREMY
And there are probably FCC regulations
governing--
CASEY
Sure.
JEREMY
I mean we announce these idiot polls
on the air.
CASEY
Yes.
JEREMY
I'm saying I could get in trouble.
CASEY
Jeremy, in your first week of work
here, Dan crazy-glued all your things
to your desk.
JEREMY
Yes.
CASEY
He made you go look for the ignition
keys to the cameras.
JEREMY
Hm.
CASEY
This is what men do, Jeremy.
JEREMY
All right, I tell you what's gonna
happen: We're gonna telnet into the
network mainframe and FTP a perl
script right through a DK trapdoor
into the CGI server.
CASEY
I like the sound of that. What's it
gonna do for me?
JEREMY
It's gonna vote for you.
CASEY
How many times, how often?
JEREMY
2000 times a minute, 24 hours a day.
CASEY
You're a magnificent young man.
JEREMY
Ignition keys to the cameras? We'll
see who has the last laugh.
CASEY
Atta boy.
JEREMY
I need a soda.
CASEY
Go get 'em.
JEREMY EXITS--
NATALIE (VO)
"That brings us back to ten o'clock
tonight--
CUT TO:
ACT II
(C)
EXT. CONTINENTAL CORP. BUILDING - NIGHT - (NIGHT 1)
(Natalie (VO))
NATALIE (VO) (CONT'D)
"When Dana came back from her dinner
with Cab Calloway, minus her
underwear.
CUT TO:
INT. STUDIO/DANA'S OFFICE/NEWSROOM/CONFERENCE ROOM/HALLWAY -
CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT 1)
(Casey, Dana, Natalie, Kim, Atmosphere)
NATALIE (VO) (CONT'D)
"And that's where I came in."
NATALIE IS WALKING DOWN THE HALL AS DANA COMES AROUND THE
CORNER, STILL WEARING HER COAT.
NATALIE
You're back.
DANA
Yes.
NATALIE
How was dinner?
DANA
Good.
NATALIE
How was Cab Calloway?
DANA
He was good.
NATALIE
Hidey-hidey-hidey-ho.
DANA
He gets that a lot.
NATALIE
I would think.
DANA
Can I talk to you a second?
NATALIE
Sure.
RESET TO:
INT. DANA'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT 1)
DANA AND NATALIE ENTER.
DANA
Something interesting happened at
dinner tonight?
NATALIE
What?
DANA
I took off my panties.
NATALIE
(PAUSE) Really?
DANA
Yes.
NATALIE
You took off your panties at dinner?
DANA
Yes.
NATALIE
At the table?
DANA
Under the table.
NATALIE
Could people see you?
DANA
Not unless they were under the table.
NATALIE
Okay.
DANA
No, those were all good questions.
NATALIE
Here's another one:
DANA
Why did I take my underwear off?
NATALIE
Yes.
DANA
Perfectly fair.
NATALIE
Yes. Was your underwear making you
uncomfortable?
DANA
No.
NATALIE
Sometimes when I wear cotton briefs--
DANA
These were silk, they were find.
NATALIE
Dana--
DANA
The thing is, I'm not exactly sure
why. I think it had something to do
with Sam Donovan and not having the
kind of control over the show that I'm
used to, I think it had something to
do with Cab Calloway being a
staggeringly boring dinner companion,
but mostly, I had heard about other
people doing it.
NATALIE
What other people?
DANA
Other people. In magazines.
NATALIE
What magazines?
DANA
Good magazines. And at the movies.
NATALIE
What movies?
DANA
Movies. They do it. In restaurants and
limousines.
NATALIE
What--
DANA
Don't ask me what restaurants and
limousines, just--they do, okay?
NATALIE
Sure.
DANA
Anyway--
THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND KIM ENTERS--
DANA (CONT'D)
Yeah?
KIM
You want to see the animation in the
50's?
DANA
Yeah.
KIM EXITS, DANA STARTS AFTER--
NATALIE
Wait.
DANA
I've gotta go.
NATALIE
That's it?
DANA
Yeah. No big deal.
CASEY POPS IN THE DOORWAY--
CASEY
How was dinner?
DANA
Hello.
CASEY
Hi.
DANA
How ya doin'?
CASEY
Fine.
DANA
Good.
CASEY
How was dinner?
DANA
Good.
CASEY
Hidey-Hidey-Hidey-Ho.
DANA
Yeah, he probably doesn't get that a
lot.
CASEY
Hey, I ran your dating plan by Sam
Donovan, and he thinks you're insane.
DANA
He had a conversation with you?
CASEY
No, but I could tell from his
demeanor.
DANA
I'm gonna look at graphics.
DANA EXITS.
CASEY
(TO NATALIE) Did you see the stats on
the Philadelphia/Anaheim game?
NATALIE
Can you believe it?
CASEY
A hundred and seventy-nine penalty
minutes.
NATALIE
In a 60 minute game.
CASEY
It's crazy.
NATALIE
Not as crazy as Dana coming back from
dinner without her panties, but--
CASEY
What?
NATALIE
(PAUSE) Hm?
CASEY
What'd you say?
NATALIE
(BEAT) When?
CASEY
Just then.
NATALIE
Nothing.
INT. NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT 1)
CASEY
Dana came back from dinner without her
panties?
NATALIE
No.
CASEY
Why'd you say she did?
NATALIE
It's just an expression.
CASEY
You said it's not as crazy as Dana
coming back from dinner without her
panties.
NATALIE
Well, technically it's not, Casey.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT)
CASEY
I'm gonna let this one roll right over
me.
NATALIE
I think that's a good plan.
CASEY
Let it roll right over me.
NATALIE
Yes.
CASEY
'Cause there's a lot going on and I
have a show in an hour and I'm
supposed to date other women for six
months and Dana came back without her
panties and that's the part I'm just
gonna let roll right over me.
NATALIE
It's for the best.
CASEY
Okay then.
NATALIE
Go write your show.
CASEY
Will do.
CUT TO:
ACT II
(D)
INT. SAM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - (NIGHT 1)
(Dan, Sam)
SAM'S AT HIS DESK WHEN DAN KNOCKS ON THE OPEN DOOR--
DAN
How ya doin'?
SAM
Good.
DAN
We're up four to seven-tenths in all
the key demos. 18 to 49, adult
males...
SAM
I'm sorry?
DAN
I was just shootin' the breeze.
SAM
Ah.
DAN
Are you having any fun, Sam?
SAM
(BEAT) Am I having fun?
DAN
I don't think you are. I mean, you do
your job well, no doubt about it.
People here respect you. But you
don't really seem to be making an
effort to have fun.
SAM
Ah.
DAN
We're fun people. Dana, Natalie,
Jeremy... I'm nothing but fun. For
instance, I could say something funny,
and you'd laugh, and maybe you'd join
in with something funny of your own.
SAM
Yes.
DAN
Or it wouldn't even have to be funny.
It could be serious, or personal. You
see what I'm saying?
SAM
I've noticed you people have an
ability to chatter at others with
energy and enthusiasm regardless of
whether they appear interested or not.
DAN
Yeah, and that's not just on camera.
(PAUSE) Nothin'. (BEAT) No smile...
nothing from you.
SAM
Dan, I've done quite a few of these
jobs, I think you know that.
DAN
Yes.
SAM
And there's a preconception when I
show up that I'm gonna be an
obnoxious, sniveling philistine, or a
suit, or somebody's cousin. That's
what you thought when you heard I was
coming, wasn't it?
DAN
No.
SAM LOOKS AT DAN...
DAN (cont'd)
Yes, but--
SAM
This isn't TV Camp. I come in, I do
my job, I do it better than anyone
else, I get out. I stopped trying to
make friends a long time ago.
DAN
Well I think that's sad.
SAM
And I think that's tough.
DAN
Hey, look, I may have pre-judged you,
and that was wrong, and I hear that.
But at least I turned around, man.
You're, like, stayin' where you are.
I'm sayin' we think you're a good guy
and we like you and we think you'd
like us if you got to know us. But if
you want to do your thing and live in
a cave, that's cool too. I won't
bother you anymore. (BEAT) At least
I won't bother you anymore tonight.
Tomorrow, who knows?
SAM
Who knows.
DAN
See you later.
DAN EXITS...
SAM
Okay.
CUT TO:
ACT II
(E)
INT. STUDIO/CONTROL ROOM/CORRIDOR - NIGHT - (NIGHT 1)
(Dan, Casey, Dana, Jeremy, Natalie, Kim, Elliot, Chris, Will,
Dave, Atmosphere)
CASEY
Those of you wondering how a hockey
team can rack up 179 penalty minutes
in a 60 minute game, your curiosity is
both well-founded and commendable. FOr
the answer, feel free to write to me
or Dan at www-dot-SportsNight-dot-com,
and we will satisfy your quest for
knowledge. In the meantime, for more
on the Flyers and the Ducks, we take
you to Jack Jankowicz in Anaheim.
Forgive me: Connie Morton in Anaheim.
Connie?
DAVE
We're out.
CHRIS
Five-forty back.
DANA
Dan/Casey, that's five minutes and
forty seconds. Not five minutes and
fifty seconds, not five minutes and
forty-one seconds, but rather--
CASEY
--five minutes and forty seconds.
DANA
Yeah.
CASEY
Cracked your code.
DAN
Can I tell you what bugs me?
CASEY
It's not that I won, it's that I won't
admit I wanted to win?
DAN
That's right.
IN THE CONTROL ROOM--
NATALIE
(TO DANA) So can I just ask--
DANA
No.
NATALIE
How did you--
DANA
Not here. Not now.
IN THE STUDIO--
DAN
Don't tell me you weren't doing
something. 2.5 million people voted.
That's more than in most statewide
elections. 2.5 million people. You
know how many voted for me? Two-
hundred and thirty-two. So don't think
I'm paranoid for thinking something
fishy might be up.
CASEY
I have to go ask her.
DAN
Tell me for real: Is this 'cause I
Crazy-glued Jeremy's stuff to his
desk?
CASEY
I'm gonna go in and ask her.
IN THE CONTROL ROOM--
WILL
Three and a half minutes back.
CASEY COMES THROUGH THE DOOR--
CASEY
Dana?
DANA
Yes.
CASEY
You and I are about to have an abrupt
conversation.
DANA
Dave?
DAVE
Three and a half minutes.
DANA
We can't have an abrupt converstion
right now, Casey, 'cause we're back in
three and a half minutes.
CASEY
Well I'm not back in three and a half
minutes unless I get some answers, so
let's go.
CASEY WALKS OUT THE BACK AND INTO--
RESET TO:
INT. CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT 1)
CASEY WAITS A MOMENT BEFORE DANA JOINS HIM.
DANA
It's easy to explain.
CASEY
Really?
DANA
Actually, it's hard to explain.
CASEY
You'd think.
DANA
So maybe when I have more than three
and a half minutes--
CASEY
I have all the time in the world.
DANA
Casey--
CASEY
I mean it, Dana.
DAVE (OVER PA)
Three minutes back.
DANA
All right, I'll try and do this as
best and as fast as I can.
CASEY
I'm listening.
DANA
Dinner was incredibly boring. I
shifted in my seat. My panties moved.
I was amused by that. I tried shifting
the other side. It worked. Then it
became a thing.
Like can I make it home without
hitting any red lights or can I name
all the state capitals before the
plane takes off. And then there they
were.
CASEY
Your panties.
DANA
Yes.
CASEY
Why didn't you put them back on?
DANA
At the restaurant?
CASEY
Yes.
DAVE (OVER PA)
Two-thirty back.
DANA
I snuck them back in my purse, and
that's when I got to thinking...
CASEY
What?
DANA
This is the part you're not gonna
understand.
CASEY
This is the part I'm not gonna
understand?
DANA
I've always taken people's word for
it, that certain things were dirty and
certain things weren't. I've always
taken people's word for it, and I'm a
grown woman, and at some point you
wanna decide for yourself is the world
gonna fall down if I do this or if
maybe everyone should mind their own
business. Lemme tell you something,
Casey, the world didn't fall down, in
fact, truth be told, I kinda liked it.
CASEY
Dana--
DANA
And that's all I have to say.
DAVE (OVER PA)
Two minutes.
CASEY
Dana--
DANA
So think what you will, but that's all
I have to say.
[two pages missing]
ACT II
(H)
INT. CONTROL ROOM - SAME TIME - (NIGHT 1)
(Dan, Jeremy, Natalie, Kim, Chris, Will, Dave)
NATALIE'S TYPING AWAY...
JEREMY
Well. I guess the only thing for me
to do is write a letter of my own.
NATALIE
To your sister.
JEREMY
To your father.
NATALIE
Jeremy--
JEREMY
I've decided to become buddies with
your father.
NATALIE
That's not funny.
JEREMY
"Dear Hank."
DAN WALKS IN--
DAN
Where's Casey?
NATALIE
Someplace with Dana.
JEREMY
How's that internet poll going Dan?
DAN
Don't think I'm not on to you, my
friend.
JEREMY
Spent seven hours looking for the
ignition keys.
DAN
Jeremy--
JEREMY
Today I take care of all family
business.
DAVE
60 seconds back.
CUT TO:
ACT II
(J)
INT. DAN AND CASEY'S OFFICE/NEWSROOM - SAME TIME - (NIGHT
1)
(Casey, Dana, Natalie (VO), Sam, Dave (OVER PA), Atmosphere)
AS DANA AND CASEY WALK IN--
CASEY
Dana--
DANA
Look in your top drawer.
CASEY
Is there an animal in there?
DANA
Why would there be an animal in there?
CASEY
'Cause last time there was an animal
in there.
DANA
Look in your top drawer.
CASEY OPENS THE DRAWER, SMILES, AND PULLS OUT A PAIR
OF BLACK SILK PANTIES...
DANA (CONT'D)
So you have something to look forward
to. (BEAT) Get on the air.
CASEY
I'll keep these if you don't mind.
DANA
I don't mind a bit.
[page missing]
NATALIE (VO)
"And that's where the panties were,
Louise. How Dana and Casey's dating
plan will end up, only time will tel.
Time will also have to be the judge of
Sam Donovan, though much as everyone
hates to admit it, the ratings have
crept up slightly since his arrival.
The show ended well and I'm finishing
this up while lying in bed next to
your brother while he pretends he's
not looking over my shoulder. More
later, Louise. For now...Love,
Natalie."
DAVE (OVER PA)
In three...two...
CUT TO:
ACT II
(K)
INT. STUDIO/CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS - (NIGHT 1)
(Dan, Casey, Dana, Jeremy, Natalie, Kim, Elliot, Chris, Will,
Dave, Atmosphere)
CASEY
Thank you Connie Morton in Anaheim
with NHL Center Ice.
DAN
Casey and I are just gettin' warmed up
here in Rockefeller Center, so we'll
have one more round if you'll have one
more round. You're watching Sports
Night on CSC, so come on back.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF SHOW